How do you handle anger? How do you treat your family, loved ones and friends when you are peeved? How do you treat your family, loved ones and friends when you are hurt? How do you treat your family loved ones and friends when you are really peeved, upset and very angry with them?
Do you internalize things, running little scenarios through your head where you mentally tell them this or that
or really let them have it
while never saying a word out loud to them? Do you clam up refusing to discuss
the problem, all the while holding it inside to fester, while pulling away from them, cutting them short, not
talking about things and letting them guess about what is on your mind? Do you think they should know what
the problem is? They usually do not! And, if they have no idea of what set you off
they are bewildered about
what they should apologize for having done; they have no way of understanding your actions and they can’t
change their future behaviors because they don’t understand what caused the problem in the first place.
Do you pout?
Do you snipe?
Do you clam up?
Do you withdraw?
Do you get violent?
Do you get confrontational?
Do you blow your stack?
Do you really get them told off?
Do you vent wildly and then forget the whole thing, letting them wonder what precipitated the outburst, while you go on as if nothing had occurred?
Do you assume they know or should know what is wrong as if they could read your mind like a mentalist while leaving them totally in the dark?
Everyone handles anger differently. Maybe you have experienced an unhappy marriage. Perhaps you had an abusive mate. Maybe your problems date from childhood—unhappy memories, angered parents, feelings of inadequacy, lack of education, poverty; all of these things influence the way you handle hurts, anger or peeves.
Some people, like me, for example, are dense enough to only be bewildered and totally clueless about something we may have done to earn your pique. Sometimes your actions or anger and refusal to discuss the situation only upset the recipient in return because we don’t know what we have done to deserve or earn your wrath.
Tempers are normal.
Tempers are natural.
Everyone gets angry at some time for one reason or another.
We know Jesus had a temper; there are actually two accounts of this. St. Matthew 21:12-13 reads, And Jesus
went into the temple of God and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple and overthrew the tables of
the moneychangers and the seats of them that sold doves. And said unto them,
It is written, my house shall be
called the house of prayer: but ye have made it a den of thieves.
St. Mark 11:15-19 reads, And they come to Jerusalem and Jesus went into the temple and began to cast out them
that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the money changers and the seats of them that sold
doves: and would not suffer that ay man should carry any vessel through the temple. And he taught, saying unto
them,
Is it not written, my house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? But ye have made it a den
of thieves.
And the scribes and chief priests heard it and sought how they might destroy him: for they feared
him because all the people were astonished at his doctrine. And when evening was come, he went out of the
city.
So, Jesus drove the moneychangers out of the temple by upending the tables. Did he give fair warning about this? No. Did he just go in and create havoc? Pretty much! Did the people know what was coming? Nope. He just was angry and took action. One thing is clear: When he took action those involved knew why he was taking the action because he told them. Do you at least allow those with whom you are angry to know why you are taking an action?
Anger is an acid that harms the vessel that contains it more than the person at whom it is directed.
That
was a favorite saying of my brother-in-law. I may catch it for telling this but my sister’s husband would
hold her face in front of a mirror in the early years of their marriage and make her look at herself when she was
angry. If she shut her eyes, he would force them open and make her look! The look on her face would dissolve her in
laughter ending the dispute and they could then talk things out reasonably. Their marriage lasted 64 years until
his death!
If you aren’t able to deal with issues when you are angry and can only hold your emotions inside others will never know or perhaps even have a clue toward what is wrong. If people don’t have any magical way of knowing what they did wrong or hurtful toward you, how can they correct it or avoid it in the future? An apology can’t be sincerely forthcoming if a person doesn’t know what to apologize for and work to prevent occurring in the future. You don’t have to scream and shout to make a point; however, you should be able to discuss the problem at hand.
Perhaps it would help you to walk away for awhile and then come back later and talk it out but you should face the problem, bring it up with the person, deal with it and try to resolve it so that in the future, you—both of you—can try a little harder to prevent the situation from recurring.
There is nothing wrong with being upset or angry. Dealing with it as best we can as quickly as we can is usually the best answer. Openly discussing a problem is usually the quickest and best solution. Maybe you need to cool off prior to having the discussion but if you do that isn’t it up to you to approach the person and address the situation?
There is no one perfect manner for everyone to use when dealing with anger. Each individual is different as is each situation. A breakdown in communications, however, seems to be counterproductive. In this New Year let’s try to eliminate unaddressed anger from our lives. Let’s attempt to work things through in a sensible low key manner by talking things through as quickly as possible, being specific in our complaints and realizing that the burden of resolution begins with the first step of making a problem known and sincerely apologizing if we are wrong. Handling anger can be the secret to improving all of our relationships and interaction with others. It is also healthy for us as it helps to keep our blood pressure down!
May God bless you all with peace and serenity.